My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
