EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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