There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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