dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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