Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
