Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
