I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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