A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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