No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
