i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
