It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
