mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
