Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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