My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
