We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
