before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
