There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
