It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
