Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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