i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
