Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We need a shit load of segways right now
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
