I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
