your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
