Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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