I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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