her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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