the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
