Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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