well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
