I hate all girls vehemently.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
