oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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