We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
