Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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