For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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