dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
