dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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