you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
