so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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