I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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