i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
