Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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