bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
