8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
