what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
