i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
