Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
