I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
