You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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