Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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