Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
