textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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