just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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