Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
