Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
