She's JV to your varsity
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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