just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
