he shaved USA in his pubs
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
