I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
