Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
