Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
