A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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