I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
