so that wasnt chicken after all
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
