I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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