I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
