his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
