I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
