went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
