heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Randomize
