no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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