She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
