fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
