I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
