so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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