you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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