Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
