It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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